The Lunch Date

Dr. Sonjia Kenya

Sex should feel GREAT!  

The creator of humans could have made the reproductive process as simple as holding hands. Instead, most human reproduction requires a man to climax inside of a woman. And anyone will tell you that experiencing an orgasm feels GREAT!

But female orgasms are NOT required for reproduction. So why do women have them? Because we are supposed to feel pleasure during sex. other than pleasure, there’s no reason for women to experience orgasms. I’ve just presented some very strong evidence that nature wants humans to enjoy sex.  

However, it’s very hard to enjoy sex when you’re worried about contracting HIV:

“What if the condom breaks?”

“I hope I don’t get pregnant.”

“I should have used a condom.”

“I wonder if he’s been tested?”

SEX isn’t going to feel as good as it could if these types of thoughts are swirling around in your head. And what’s the point of having sex if it’s not going to feel good? That’s like going to airport and missing the airplane.  Just a waste of time and energy.

The easiest way to relax and have GREAT sex is to get an HIV test with your partner. But that can feel awkward sometimes. If you think that talking to your partner about getting tested would be met with resistance, there’s another way to handle this situation.

Find an HIV testing facility near your house or job, or ask your doctor if they offer HIV testing. Make a lunchtime appointment for you and your boo to be tested. Call your boo and tell them you want to go on a special lunch date and ask them to pick you up about 30 minutes before the testing appointment.

When you arrive at the doctor’s office, explain that you really want to have amazing sex and you would enjoy yourself a lot more if you didn’t worry about HIV. This strategy has worked with everyone I’ve ever recommended it to, and I used it myself before I was married. if the person refuses, and you still don’t feel comfortable talking with them about getting tested, you need to run as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Because sex with that person is gonna cause headaches, not orgasms.

After your test, go to a nice lunch at a nearby restaurant or whip out a surprise picnic and head to a park. I promise the conversation you have over lunch will help you feel much more connected to your partner. That’s the funny thing about an HIV test. The more people who know their status, the better their sexual relationships.

People who learn that they’re HIV positive are able to get care and have honest sexual communication with their partner which always makes sex more enjoyable! People who learn they’re HIV negative commit to staying that way and realizing how precious sex is, often focus on experiencing more high quality sexual encounters that result in orgasms, not worries!  

So if you want better sex, you want to get tested!  Get tested, and have great sex! To find an HIV testing facility near you, call 800-CDC-INFO, use the free test locater service at:, or contact your local health department.


Dr. Sonjia Kenya is a sexologist, author, and assistant research professor in the department of General Medicine at the University of Miami.  She earned her bachelor’s degree from UCLA and two master’s degrees, along with her doctorate in health education from Columbia University. At the University of Miami, she conducts community-based research to reduce disparities, primarily focused on sexually transmitted infections.  She also directs the Social Medicine pathway for medical students, and trains residents in cultural competency, including LGBT sensitivity.